Method Kitchen Lemongrass. Sounds refreshing, eh? Check out the crisp copywriting on the hang tag.
The stink? That is straight. Up.
In French they take les smells mauvaises even more seriously. They’re going to occupy that stink.
Jargon—poisonously confusing/boring technical vocabulary—is a tough thing to avoid. We usually don’t know we’re doing it, because the words we use to describe the products we live and breathe are second nature. To us.
The goal of marketing communications could be defined as turning “them” into “us”: fostering understanding, appreciation, and advocacy. Turning “them” off with words that make no sense does the opposite: it excludes the person you’re talking to & reinforces that “they” are not one of “you”.
You want to talk the way normal people talk, so they can imagine your brand being a normal part of their lives. Here’s a few examples of how not to do that.
What. The. Deuce. Is a “boxed novelty”? Something yummy, I’ll surmise from the brand that (I assume) wants me to buy some. And me having to make assumptions indicates a failure on the critical signage copywriting task.
This sign isn’t telling me what I should do, when, where, how, or even what on earth I’m going to get if I do it. Are “boxed novelties” a positive thing I should seek out? Urgently? At my leisure? Will they change my life? Are they in fact novel and in a box?
I called the Dairy Queen attached to this baffling sign, in hopes of clarifying their marketing message.
Me: Hi. I have a dumb question. I saw your sign outside. What on earth are “boxed novelties”?
Super nice, smart & helpful staff person: That means like Dilly Bars and Buster Bars, and that kind of thing.
Me: Oh, ok. Do you think people would understand that from the sign?
SN,S&HSP: Um, I don’t think so. People who’ve been coming here for years would understand. But there’s really no way to explain the boxed novelties on that little sign, so.
Me: I hear ya. So where does the box come in? Are the novelties in an actual box?
SN,S&HSP: [Silence]
That’s how insidious jargon is: a person who deeply understands boxed novelties feels there’s no other way to explain them than to surrender to jargon & say “boxed novelties”.
How about conveying the essential benefits instead? Like “YUM”?
I’m not even sure this is grammatically correct. Can you “take” a “reduction”?
I get what it means, but besides sounding absurdly old-fashioned, it’s not selling me on the benefit. In a clothing context it means “what didn’t sell at a sale price is being discounted even more”—in other words, it’s ugly and only comes in bizarre sizes.
Tell me something more beneficial or aspirational than the fact that you’ve had to mark down your markdowns.
Are you speaking clearly to the people you hope to persuade? Here’s the stuff to watch out for.
It’s obvious why lips need to be huge to have any success in life, but were you aware of the benefits of eyelashes 900% larger than nature has seen fit to evolve? It’s a wonder any of us procreated prior to 2011.
I just want to up and copywrite for these guys, so they can leap into 2006. Hugs.
As if I missed the most hilarious part of the poo-demographic direct mail! About to recycle it, I turned it over to discover this adorable little logo on the back:
I mean COME ON! It’s a pooey fingerprint! It’s even more hilarious in French. It’s hilarious that they did it in French. Imagine calling the translator to explain your email. VIVRE SANS CACA!
As a mommy, I get some truly hilarious/gross direct mail. Huggies goes right for the jugular with the copywriting.
They’ve got their demographic, though. Tell me more about this poo-deterring product…
