Why Jesse Eisenberg is cuter than Mark Zuckerberg

Columbia Pictures will be releasing The Social Network, a flick about the rise of everything-changing Facebook, this October. The movie poster is now out, and Jesse “Michael Cera with more testosterone” Eisenberg will be playing Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

The likeness is pretty good, with the usual Hollywood cutening-up of the IRL protagonist.

Why is Jesse a great choice for the Zuck character?

• Pasty nerd skin
• Unruly hair
• Gentle, geeky demeanour

But Zuckerbergian though Jesse may be, his cuteness exceeds that of the CEO in the following ways:

• More animated, punkier hair
• A steelier gaze, complimented by chiseled cheekbones and a square, manly jaw
• A broader, flatter nose—a nose with just a little more presence, you know?—and a more angular, more defiant chin

I will grant there are a few factors that might make Mark Zuckerberg a better boyfriend:

• Untold billions
• World-changing mastermind abilities

But unfortunately:

• “Mark Zuckerberg girlfriend” is a top search on Google, so the competition will be fierce
• Potential evil genius

Anyways, I’m highly anticipating this film, but wonder if my fondness for Mr. Eisenberg is going to colour my feelings towards Zuck, which are ambivalent at best. This may have been strategic on Columbia’s part.

I’ve seen Mark Zuckerberg speak in person, and he’s disarmingly nice for someone that basically rules the world. We’ll see if the film paints a multidimensional picture, and if MZ comes out a sympathetic character. If we can get past the cuteness.