"Most smart people ignore most advertising because most advertising ignores smart people."

—Bill Bernbach, the legendary 'B' in DDB.

Oh no. Facebook appears to be the Antichrist.

Posted: February 8th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Sociology of Social Networks | Tags: , , , | 12 Comments »

facebook_scrollDon your tinfoil helmets, oh friended ones, and wrap your conspiracy theories around this…

Facebook celebrated their 6th birthday by announcing their network now boasts 400 million souls, or almost 6% of the earth’s population. Facebook’s birthday is February 4th…02/04..2+4 is—gulp—6! If you’re slow with math, that’s three big fat 6′s in a row.

Oh my. Let’s bust out the Bible and see what it has to say about this.

Daniel 8:23-25
And through his policy also he shall cause deceit to prosper in his hand…

Could that refer to a privacy policy, possibly the one that roped in millions of users who never dreamed their friend lists would one day be made public? A policy that, once we had unstoppable group inertia* due to our elderly parents making likely their only leap to social networking, then changed to make way for better search results and advertising revenues? Gosh, I hope not.

Daniel 7:24-27
And he shall speak great words against the most High…and think to change times and laws.

Ok, if “he” is Mark Zuckerberg and “the most High” is the American Constitution (specifically, the Fourth Amendment, guarding against “unreasonable searches” and protecting “a reasonable expectation of privacy”) and the “times” he’d  like to change are the famous social norms regarding privacy, am I painting a scary enough picture for you yet? But wait…

Revelation 13:3-18
And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the Mark.

Gartner Research predicts that by 2012—the end of the freaking Mayan calendar—”Facebook will lead the pack in developing the distributed, interoperable social Web through Facebook Connect and similar mechanisms. The interoperability will be critical to survival of other social networks. Other social networks (including Twitter) will continue to develop…However, they will all revolve around Facebook.” In other words Facebook will control the universe. The universe may or may not include your disposable income.

Alrighty then. Nothing to panic about. We knew the end times were probably upon us anyway. Let him that hath understanding reckon the number of the beast. Hopefully this newfound prophetic clarity is a balm for those souls chapped about controlling their own information. Let it help you accept your fate with grace. I, for one, welcome our new Social Overlords. Happy Birthday, Facebook!

*Group inertia, or social inertia, is the critical mass attained when everyone you could possibly care about joins a social network, making it tough to leave lest they not follow to “the next big thing”.

  • historyscoper

    BOYCOTT FACEBOOK NOW

    Remember that Twilight Zone episode “To Serve Man” about the Kanamits? Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook are the real Kanamits.

    Yes, Zuckerberg is a wannabe Bill Gates with designs on a monopoly in social networking, which would result in a new Dark Ages like Gates did with operating systems, and his whats-in-it-for-me practices trampling personal and privacy rights to position himself for riches no matter whom he hurts are despicable, and are indicative of much worse to come, which is one reason he must be stopped. But it's far worse than it appears on the surface, because all the signals are there that he wants to rule the world as the Antichrist, for instance, keeping the company private and wanting everybody to give up their privacy to him and him alone, like in Revelation 3:16 where it says he will put his mark on everybody's forehead and no one will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast, Mark Zuckerberg. Forget the old theories that Bill Gates was the Antichrist, this could be the dude. Gates just kept holding you back with horrible buggy software, but Zuckerberg can get you where you live by owning and using your private data at will. If you could go back to the early 1980s and buy Microsoft's competitors' operating systems, wouldn't you, to stop Gates? Well wake up and stop the Beast, or you will live to rue these happy days when you failed to act. The only way to stop Zuckerberg cold is to boycott Facebook by deleting your account after telling your social network to do ditto, in hopes that a saner, safer, more democratic alternative will arise that connects everybody with proper safeguards against monomaniac people and groups.

    http://boycottfacebookblog.blogspot.com/

  • http://twitter.com/Dithyrambic Katie Bieber

    I realize this was written over a year ago, but I believe now there is more evidence for this than ever. People are not afraid of him. TIME named him person of the year.
    But the most compelling evidence?
    Mark Zuckerberg single-handedly destabilized the Middle East.

    Boycott Facebook. We need to be more afraid of him than the Wikileaks guy, and yet look how much press he’s garnered!! This could be a global catastrophe.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know that you can blame communications technology for revolutions. It facilitates them, but no more or less so than it facilitates researchers collaborating to cure cancer or police to solve crimes, know what I mean? It’s people, not the tools they use to talk (ultimately—I do see how collaborative mobile tech allows people to organize).

  • parker

    this may sound really completely rediculous at first glance-you think oh what good the Z-man is doin. (READ THE FACEBOOK EFFECT), these guys are complete radical idiots like those jihad bearded mofos over there. but then u step back and look at it even from a mainstream christian pov….and it makes u wonder.doesnt it?

    in the great words of glenn beck “im not sayin he did, but im not say he didn” -referring to whether or not god caused japans earthquake. lollolol.

  • Zoya

    Yes Facebook is the antichrist.

  • Dis1

    All the good things that these technologies seem to cure or fix, like cancer or crimes, are generally caused by the earlier inventions of other ‘change is always better if I am the (egocentric megalomaniac) inventors.  Technology ALWAYS has a nasty application, like the spear (hunting/protection vs killing/oppression).  This is why it is guns that are illegal in most civilised parts of the world, not the people who will ultimately use them.  Know what i mean?  You can’t stop evil, but inventors do have a moral responsibility to contemplate what the negative consequences will be and decide from there.  Unfortunately the desire for personal glory, victory in war or life threatening coersion are usually the sole motivators for innovations which have one benefit and infinite misapplications. 

  • Jeremyvessey

    LOL, god isn’t real.

  • 86kylexj

    You are a fool for smacking Christains like that for our beliefs.  :p    Hope you enjoy your hell.

    I will die then take the Mark.

  • 86kylexj

    Satan caused Japan’s earthquake actually to cause confusion.  Satan is the author of confusion and the dark side in all of us.     

     I personally believe on a whole we are made of energy and are constantly having *cause* and *effect* upon one another as a whole so no matter what the situation we can always make the best or worst of things until we are given the kick in the pants needed to be on the right track.

    This earthquake is likely the result of those who support the Illuminati getting kicked in the pants and it’s up to us to make the right choices to go closer to the light since this world is fallen.    

    We can never reclaim the Garden of Edan but there will be a 2.0 coming soon to a neighborhood near you!   For only the price of salvation!    Mikey he likes it!  

  • 86kylexj

    Want to know what the only *rules* are?   Obey the law of attaction and you will get what you truly need.  
    Not what your lower ego wants but what’s best for you long term.

    We all have too much of “I want!’   “I want!”   I WANT!”   me.  me! ME! ME!!!

  • 86kylexj

    Better yet!  Make a new planet and dump all the Democrats on it so they can have their little playground to cheat and lie on.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HYKDERO4HHHI6NGDYGRMKP6T3U J G

    Wasn’t he born on May 14, 1984 which is the same date as the state of Israel but 36 years later from 1948 which is similar looking to 1984 and there are six sixes in 36.  Maybe we should be looking for someone born on the same date in 1966 instead for even more symbolism since there are three sixes in 18 years and sixes in 1966 too.